This Is The Part Where Ruby Dies
by ElfCollaborator
Summary: Ruby dies. Again. Except this time, she goes off her script and gets back up. Much to Weiss' confusion- and everybody else's. Parody of deathfics killing off Ruby, crack, rated K for shenanigans, oneshot.


**This Is The Part Where Ruby Dies**

**A/N: Welcome, one and all, to one of my...well, non-Reactsverse projects. Why I'm writing this? Because I can and it's fun. I see FAR too many angsty fics that kill off poor Ruby- and I frankly adore that little cookie-obsessed perky gothic-dressed reaper girl~ As this probably would never fit in the Reactsverse proper, I've decided to put this as a separate fic~ **

**Well, enjoy this short, insane, possibly stupid drabble.  
DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, otherwise Ruby would be even more adorable than she already is~**

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"RUBY!" Weiss shouted across the field of grass they were fighting in, strewn with Grimm corpses. "WATCH OUT!"

Her leader whirled around to see a large Nevermore feather spiralling at her. She gasped in surprise, her eyes widening, akin to a deer caught in the headlights of a car. There was no time to dodge.

No time for Weiss to stop the feather, no time for Ruby to deflect it. No time.

Weiss realised this. _'...n-no...'_ Futilely, the heiress began to generate glyphs under her feet to slide across to slash the feather away, but the feather was merely five inches away from Ruby's chest.

'_Come on!'_ Four inches. She could see her frozen there, her mouth agape in an expression of disbelief, as if to say 'I can't die yet'.

'_I can reach her...'_ Three inches.

'_No...no...please!'_ Two feather was too close. There was no way-

'_I can do this!'_ One inch. Weiss decided to take the risk and leapt off the ground pointing Myrtenaster at the feather and-

A sickening crunch resounded as Ruby Rose, leader of Team RWBY, was impaled. Weiss' momentum suddenly faltered as her legs swung helplessly in the air, and the heiress landed with a stagger as she watched her leader fall onto her knees, grasping feebly at the feather.

"...n-no...Ruby..." Weiss looked at her in shock, before slumping to her knees, feeling tears welling in her eyes. Around her, she could see Blake and Yang, their arms slumped and weapons hanging loosely, equally shocked.

To Weiss, it was as if the world was stopped, as if nothing else mattered. Ruby was dead.

Ruby was _dead_.

She crawled slowly across to her body as the Nevermore that had done it tried to fly off, before-

"Not so fast, you sonofabitch!" Yang roared as she leapt up into the air, her eyes red and her hair flying about, before she slammed into the Grimm's head, smashing it with Ember Celica.

Within seconds, the creature's skull cracked apart and it fell down, Yang somersaulting back to where she'd been, staggering. Blake looked across to see that she herself had tears welling in her eyes.

"...Rubes..." The brawler choked out. "...my Ruby...she's..."  
"..." Blake only had a look of grim determination on her face as she looked across at Weiss, who was sobbing over Ruby's body.

"...Weiss, why are you crying?"

"Huh?" Weiss looked up from her tears to see Ruby speaking.

"R-Ruby?!"

"...yeah?" She didn't even sound injured. Yang and Blake were looking on disbelief.

"...you aren't..."  
"Pfft." Ruby pulled out the feather from her chest with a grunt, before tossing it away. "Tis only a flesh wound."

"...w-what...but I thought..."

"Silly, I'm the protagonist." Ruby giggled. "I have plot armor!"

"...what." The heiress just stared at her.

"Nah, nah, I can see what she means." Blake nodded. "I didn't really expect her to die."  
"Huh..." Weiss was, by now, experiencing a mix between grief, happiness and utter confusion.

"You see, Weiss, most stories never kill off their protagonists like that." The catgirl said, as if this should have been obvious. "And, as you can see, Ruby here is the protagonist."

"...right..."

"See? I'm fine!" The crimsonette beat her chest with a fist. "Good as new!"  
"...huh..."  
"W-wait, hang on a second." Yang pulled out a script, pointing at it. "...wasn't this the part where Ruby dies?"

"Nah." Blake pulled out her own script, pointing at it. "This is the part where Ruby LOOKS dead but then comes back."

Weiss scratched her head, confused, before Ruby pulled out a script of her own and approached the pair.

"Yeah, it says here I come back from the dead and gain a power boost in Aura, Yang." The crimsonette pointed at her script.

Yang responded. "No, it says you die, Weiss laments about how she loves you-"  
"I-I don't love her, idiot!" The heiress shouted over, blushing, but she was ignored in the discussion.

"-I go on to break down in tears and become utterly inconsolable forever, Blake just runs away, and so on and so forth."  
"Bah, who wrote that?" Blake remarked. "I prefer my script. It says Ruby gets back up, shouts at the Nevermore 'WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!' and takes it down with one shot."

"I think you have the wrong script." Yang commented. "I'm pretty sure this was supposed to be an angsty fic where Ruby dies."  
"I actually got a different version from both of you..." Ruby pulled out a different script and discarded the other one. This one was labelled 'This Is The Part Where Ruby Dies by ElfCollaborator'.

"It..." She flipped through it. "...says exactly what we're doing."

"Don't be silly! It's a deathfic!" Yang shouted at her, pointing over at the corpse of Jaune Arc. "Besides, then that would be-"

"Actually, guys, I'm not dead either." Jaune mumbled, his face squished into the dirt by the weight of Nora's leg. "It's all in the script..."

"...what in the name of Dust is going on here?!" Weiss screamed. "So...you're telling me this entire stupid thing was scripted and none of you are actually dead?!"

"Well..." Blake rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "I think Velvet's dea-"  
"No, I'm fine!"

"...okay, nobody died."

"...what the Dust is this, a stupid parody or something?!" The heiress complained.

"Apparently." Ruby answered, flipping through ElfCollaborator's script.

"Bah, I don't get paid enough to pretend Ruby's dead!" Yang complained.

"...and why am I not in on this?" The heiress raised an eyebrow.  
"Where's your script?"

"I don't HAVE one, you dolt! I thought Ruby actually died back there! Stupid idiot!" Weiss grumbled. "I should've let you ACTUALLY die! Idiots...making me worry...you're all stupid idiots! I'm out of here!" She threw her hands up in the air and walked off.

"...who's this ElfCollaborator anyway?" Blake asked Ruby.

"...some guy, I dunno. Sounds like a crappy parody writer." The crimsonette shrugged.

"Sounds like it. My script was better." Yang raised hers. "Besides, it's more realistic. You were speared through the chest with a Nevermore feather!"  
"Hey, I've taken worse! Remember that one time Cinder blasted me with fire? That one time a Grimm broke my neck? It sucks being the one they kill in fanfics!"  
"It's called plot armor, Yang." The catgirl sighed. "Remember, protagonists, can't die? You seem to forget we're in a shonen anime-like world. And don't the heroes always get back up from being dead in those?"  
"I might be watching the wrong ones."

"Eh, I'm confused now!" Yang complained.

"I think we all got different scripts due to a mix-up." Ruby sighed. "I really must talk to my agent about that."

"Yeah...if we have different scripts for different stories, then this was a complete mess."

The brawler sighed. "Can we get food now? I'm huuuuungry!"

"Eh." Blake shrugged. "Pizza or Chinese?"  
"Oh, oh, can we go to that chicken place?" Ruby suggested.

"Wild Duck Burger sounds good." Yang shrugged as she began to walk off.

"Eh, I still say we should go check out that one place around the corner from there..."The catgirl mumbled as they went away.

Jaune squirmed under Nora's leg. "Hey, guys! Don't forget me! Guys?!"

Nora murmured softly; it seemed she was asleep.

"GUYS?!"

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**END**

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**A/N: Short and I just had to write it. Sorry, didn't mean to offend anyone. :c**

**So I hope you guys enjoyed that, leave your reviews, suggestions, thoughts, ideas and comments, and I hope you have a great day!**


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